Motivating another person to step out of their comfort zone does not necessarily mean that we are teaching them to step out of their comfort zone. For example, when we get someone to do something they don’t want to do, they may learn to do things that don’t make sense to them, or contribute to others at the expense of meeting their own needs.
The consequences of extrinsic motivation
Extrinsic motivation can have various consequences. For example, if we say to someone, “Shouldn’t you start doing something already?” or “Just come with me, you’ll see that it will be useful for you in the end and you’ll like it!”, we can cause
1. Learned incompetence
Such a person prefers to wait and be bored until someone nudges him. Examples might include, “That boy of ours at school stands where he is put.” Or “She waits like a boob for someone to tell her what to do and how to do it.”
2. Control and control
People who are controlled and dominated from childhood can learn to control and dominate others.
Impact on children
I experience pain when I observe a child who has lost identity and intrinsic motivation as a result of external motivation, i.e., with the help of instructions, commands, unsolicited advice, evaluation and comparison, rewards and punishment. Such a child may struggle with symptoms of burnout, anxiety and depression.
Adolescents in such a situation often evaluate themselves as failing, unsuccessful, uninteresting and procrastinating. Activities that they enjoy may be associated with feelings of guilt and shame because they believe they are not suited to teaching, learning or life.
The difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation
How do I know the difference between extrinsic motivation and stepping out of my comfort zone (intrinsic motivation)?
I ask myself: Would I do the activity even if nothing threatened me? Rejection, non-acceptance or other punishment? Or if there was no benefit or reward from the activity?
Due to intrinsic motivation, we can take on challenging situations, drills and risks. However, we do so because we enjoy the activity, it gives us meaning, or both.
1. Intrinsic Motivation: I will do what it takes to achieve a goal, even though it may be challenging. I do what makes sense to me because my needs can be met by doing so. I perceive personal efficacy, meaningfulness and closeness in relationships.
2. Extrinsic Motivation: I am stimulated into action through feelings of fear (of punishment, a lowered grade for example) and guilt (If you don’t do it, you are bad, incompetent.) or through the offer of rewards.
It may not be easy to distinguish the pleasurable feeling of fulfillment from an action done out of intrinsic motivation from the short-term satisfaction of a reward or the relief of avoiding unpleasant feelings by doing something out of compulsion.
Extrinsically motivated behaviour
Contemporary knowledge offers an understanding that externally motivated behaviour leads to the formation of external life aspirations. Focus on appearance, career, power, accumulation of resources. But even achieving these does not lead to life satisfaction [3].
Self-awareness, motivation, relationship
I personally am learning to pay attention to what I feel when someone tries to motivate me. Am I open in his or her presence? Do I feel relaxed? Do I notice the presence of guilt? Does the person create the conditions so that I can refuse their offer without feeling uncomfortable?
Inducing guilt, shame and fear as a means of control
Inducing dificult emotions is an effective means of control. The next time someone motivates you, try to notice if you want to comply to avoid dificult feelings. Then you can consider what the worst that could happen if you don’t comply and do nothing this time.
Research and self-determination theory
The neuroscience of intrinsic motivation and research on self-determination are key areas that offer a deeper understanding of intrinsic motivation. I recommend looking at the research on intrinsic motivation and self-determination theory on the Center for Self-Determination Theory website and the meta-analysis of self-determination theory.